Mental Sauna Audio Blog

That's right!  My first ever blog in audio format!  Here, I answer some questions I have received on my Mental Sauna CD's.

https://soundcloud.com/#scotthaskin/audio-blog-1-mental-sauna

Thanks for listening!

Scott

The Art of Listening

Preface:

I realize this is a generalization but one I find sadly common these days.

Where we were:

You ask a question.  Someone listens and answers appropriately or does the necessary research to get you a proper answer, laying out time frames along the way of then the will be in touch with updates or a deadline for  final answer.  The person getting the information would follow up on those deadlines or have a good reason for any delays and, eventually, would give you an answer related to your question or refer you to another resource.

Where we seem to be:

It seems like nowadays, halfway through a sentence, the listener is already working on a reply or comment, causing them to miss information that could be pertinent to their response.  They have to get their point across and you have to agree with them or you must be a complete idiot.

♫  “What are words for?  When no one listens anymore…” – Missing Persons  ♫

What happened???

Yeah, what happened?  Why are we so hell bent on being right instead of being open to learning something or seeing the same thing from a different angle?  Why can’t we accept we aren’t always right and don’t always know everything there is to know?

Several recent situations prompted this posting with the most recent happening just today.  I am a big fan of this company and I have multiple accounts with them.  Last year, for a couple weeks, I had been getting emails from them to update the information on one of the accounts.  I thought it was odd and dismissed it as SPAM.  Eventually, I called and asked if all the information was showing on that account and the representative told me it was fine and the emails suddenly stopped.  This was around November.  A few days ago, I began getting the emails about the same account again and I forwarded them to the abuse email address.  The company confirmed they did indeed send it and said it was an annual thing (I guess May is the new November) and is done on all accounts.  I asked a clear question, “Why do I only receive this notice on this account and not my other account?”  Their brilliant response was, “This is an annual review.”  I’ve been with them for five years and this did not answer my question.

A little active listening could have swayed my opinion and may have even led me to appreciate this service and see it as something for my protection.  Instead, I see it as an annoyance.  I went into the account and verified all the information, which hasn’t changed in a year and saved it.  Pointless.  I still have no idea why my other account has been granted immunity from this “yearly” review. 

Often times, I find that when people ask for your opinion, they don’t really want your opinion.  They are looking for validation that what they plan to do is the right thing and that is all they want to hear.  This is easiest to see face to face.  They tell you a situation and ask for your thoughts but, when you answer, they eyes start looking away and they get distracted if you aren’t telling them they are right.

 

The one that really pushed me over the edge was this:  Someone I know was going on vacation and asked me to take care of a few things for them while they were gone.  I knew if I did them, I would save several other people from having to uproot their lives to help.  It was really no big deal for me to pitch in so I agreed.  This person wanted to take me to lunch to thank me but I wasn’t interested in that and politely declined.  Several times.  Finally, I had to be a bit more assertive and told them I felt it didn’t warrant them spending money on me for helping and they countered with, “What if I ran and picked lunch up?”  Um… WHAT?  I said there is no need to spend money on me and they offer an alternative to the delivery method.  Again, I declined but it didn’t end there.  I had to decline an additional two times.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the initial offer.  I am huge on gratitude and, had the shoe been on the other foot, I would have done the same.  However, if I really want to do something to make someone happy, I should be listening to their feedback, perhaps offer a reasonable alternative or wait for a chance to repay the favor in the future.

Had that been the end of it, that would have been bad enough, but it didn’t end there.  When they returned from vacation, they gave me a gift card to the restaurant.  Once again, not at all listening to what I had requested.  At this point, I completely regretted helping them in the first place.  This gift card wasn’t about doing something for me at all.  It was about doing something to make them feel better.  If they truly cared about my wishes, they would have found out what would make me happy and done that.  Or at least listened any of the times I had declined the offer.

Since that day nearly a month ago, they have asked me almost every day if I have used the card.  This includes the night before I went out of town and the morning I returned, when there would have been absolutely no time to go and they were aware of that.

Why am I babbling on about this?  Simple.  This is where we are at and only one strong example of what I have seen a great deal of, especially over the last few years.

These days it seems that listening is an all but forgotten lost art.  I think there is a lot we could learn from others, if we just listen and pay attention.  Well, don't just listen, hear them.

Thanks for reading! 

The Standing Ovation

For the last few years, I have been a huge fan of the city of Las Vegas.  I’m not much of a gambler but I greatly enjoy the atmosphere, the shows and the ability to go to a restaurant at three in the morning.  There is an energy there that isn’t quite like what I have experienced anywhere else I have been.

                The first show I saw was Cirque Du Soleil’s Mystere at Treasure Island.  I think this would have been back in 2003 or 2004.  The show was spectacular and, at the end, there was a huge standing ovation that went on until the performers walked off the stage.  It was well deserved.

                Now, in 2013, I have seen quite a few shows including four more performances of Mystere, several more Cirque Du Soleil shows and others as well.  One thing I have noticed, as the years have gone by, is the reaction of the audience.   The thunderous applause is still often present and a huge inspiration to the cast and crew to know they have done something pleasing.  What has diminished is the standing ovation.  Why?

                The shows haven’t changed.  Even seeing some of them 4 or 5 times, they are still just as spectacular.  The cast and crew are still working just as hard as they did ten years ago.  So, what’s different?  Have we surpassed the point where the entertainment is amazing enough to please the audience?  We still clap and cheer, so it must be enjoyable.  Or is it out of habit?  Or is it because it is expected that we clap?

                What about the standing ovation?  Why does not happen as often.  Sometimes I see the people in the front rows stand up but not the people behind them.  What stops them from following suit?
                I really don’t have an answer on this one but am curious to get your thoughts.  Feel free to share them below or write me privately.
 

As always, thanks for reading!

Scott

Are Contests Helpful?

Greetings everyone!

I have a lot of friends that ask me to vote for them in various contests for modeling, song writing, photography and other professions.  Hopefully, those of you who know me see me as someone that enjoys giving support whenever I can.  In general, I really focus quite a bit on that.

I do have challenges when it comes to contests, though.  First is time.  My time is very limited these days.  Contests are often not a one-time event.  Many require you to vote daily or offer options for several times in one day and it is rare I can make the time to focus on that, as much as I would love to.

Second, some of them require you to sign up to other websites and provide personal information for marketing purposes.  This doesn’t always make sense since the voter usually isn’t in the profession, just supporting a friend or someone they admire.

This brings me to my third, and most important, point.  I find it rare that any of these contests are actually based on the best piece of work.  They are far more often a popularity contest and, even then, don’t show the true outcome of who has the highest support of their friends.  This causes people to not only be discouraged as artists but also thinking their friends don’t care enough to help.  How is this helpful?  Maybe one person has a day where they have nothing to do and they can sit and vote for their friend for hours and others don’t.  Does that mean another person doesn’t have loving, supportive friends?  Of course not.

Let’s say you win.  Ok, great!  But are you truly winning on artistic merit?  As an artist, can you be proud of winning the prize, however big it is?  I don’t think I could.  I would want to win unless I had the piece that people honestly enjoyed the most, not because I spent the most time online voting and bringing my network of friends together.

There can be benefits to winning.  Exposure, being the biggest.  Some contests, especially in song writing, have a panel of judges and you can pay additional funds into the entry fee to have written feedback sent to you.  The downside being you cannot get clarification.  You get what you get.

If you feel like it could be a benefit, you should enter.  Before you pay the entry fee, I would encourage you to think about what you want to get out of it and how it can help/hurt you.  Be real and honest when you make your decision.  If you just want to win a prize, maybe it doesn’t matter so much how you get to the top.  If you are truly an artist and want to win on artistic merit, realize what you are up against in the reality of how the voting is being run.  Find a strategy that you can hold on to and be free of discouragement.  That is more important than the prize, at least to me.

So why did I choose this topic out of all the things swimming around my brain?  Because I have seen too many friends get down on themselves for something that typically has no relevance to their actual talent.  Get honest feedback on your work.  Not from people that will just pump you up and tell you that you are great but from people that are going to be truly honest and will help you grow as an artist.

Thanks for reading!