Communication Is a Two Way Key

I’ve said it over and over again but that’s just the problem – how many people are listening?  I find communication to be the foundation of every kind of relationship.  Without that, what do you really have?  Honesty is meaningless if you aren’t expressing it to another party.  Love can go in doubt if it isn’t communicated.  Worse yet, doubt and speculation begin to run rampant if the other person doesn’t know what is going on.

A great deal of communication is just pushing.  Pasting memes on your Facebook page because you glanced at it but didn’t bother to even think about what it is saying but posting it anyway.  The political comments are the worst.  I have seen several that say, “If you plan on voting for (insert preferred candidate here), just unfriend me now.  I don’t want to know you.”  Right, let’s not discuss and show someone why we think someone is the best for the job and see why they think their candidate is, let’s just stay in our separate camps, hating each other instead of listening and educating so we can all understand each other better.

How about the guilt trip posts?  “Share if you believe in Jesus.”  “Like if you have a child you love.”  “Stop animal cruelty!”  These are basically the digital equivalent of a chain letter.  They are designed to make you feel guilty if you don’t forward or like them or whatever the completely unimportant call to action is.  If you have a child you love, tell the child.  Clicking the like button on some random post does nothing to show that child you love them.  The ones against cruelty are the ones that baffle me the most. If you share that with your friends, you am essentially saying your friends are the ones doing this.  If you don’t feel your friends are doing harm to animals, who is the audience when you post it?  And if you do think your friends are doing it, how can they be your friends?

The most telltale type of communication from someone who is a solid communicator and is suddenly no longer in communication at all.  When a person suddenly stops talking, it should be incredibly obvious something is wrong.  Typically, this means the person is tired of communication being ignored, rejected or, as I have had in several cases, people say they understand how I feel and go out of their way to do whatever it was to cause the issue all over again.

On the flip side, if you aren’t listening, how do you know any of this?  If you are trotting along through a relationship, not paying attention to your partner, how do you know when they need something or when they are unhappy or even how to share in a joy?  I have watched marriages, business partnership, manager/employee relationships and friendships end many times over it and when both parties come to me individually to vent, it is clear to see they were either too busy talking to listen, not communicating their thoughts or couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to what the other was saying.

I’ve had several friendships and business relationships that I had to walk away from because of these very issues.  People get too wrapped up in their own issues these days to see how they treat others.  People are more concerned with having to be heard than listening to see how to be heard.  It is a shame because I think a lot of good could have come of those things.  They were never going to work, though, without these relationships being actual partnerships – two or more people working together for a common goal.  That goal could be a project or just two people that are friends, supporting each other by listening and giving feedback on thoughts and different things.

It is really sad to think of things that could have been if only people worked together.  My suggestion is remember that whatever you are feeling, the other person or people are feeling, things, too.  They have thoughts and wants from your partnership just as much as you do.  Keep the lines of communication open.  Listen FULLY.  Don’t be working on your rebuttal before they are even done talking.

I had one situation with two different companies that asked me to perform a similar task for them.  I was happy they asked me and excited to work with them on it.  There was one person I needed to connect with to make both tasks happen.  It was this person's job to help facilitate this very task. Both of the companies and I contacted this person directly several times with no response whatsoever. Eventually, my relationship this these companies has been damaged.  Not because I wasn't proactive or willing or putting in the effort but because the person we needed didn't come through and do their part to complete the project we were working together on.  Without that component, they didn't need it done at all.  I even reached out to their superior to no avail.  Interestingly, the person in question had advertised, during this time, they were working hard to ensure that the very thing we were trying to do happened more often and with great quality but failed to actually do anything to make it happen.  There was ZERO communication from this person to any of us that there was a delay or problem or that it couldn't be done. Nothing.  A simple, "I'm behind and I'll get to you in a week," or anything could have prevented the damage to the relationships I have now.  The worst part is it would take less than 30 seconds to communicate that.  

Be respectful and listen as much or more than you speak. If you are unsure, ask for clarification.  Let’s all work together to make this a better world.  Let’s build stronger bonds and create more successful projects.  We can do it if we communicate, listen and work together.  If this is how you believe things should be done and your partner doesn’t, maybe you are building with the wrong person.  Evaluate your relationships and decide if the effort is worth the value or frustration.  Make decisions and move forward. For me, my time is far too valuable to spend it working with people or spending time with people that aren't going to provide enjoyment or be able to move projects forward.  I want accomplishments, not a bunch of bleached skeletons of what could have been laying in the sand.  Make it happen!

Cheers,

Scott