Preface:
I realize this is a generalization but one I find sadly
common these days.
Where we were:
You ask a question.
Someone listens and answers appropriately or does the necessary research
to get you a proper answer, laying out time frames along the way of then the
will be in touch with updates or a deadline for
final answer. The person getting
the information would follow up on those deadlines or have a good reason for
any delays and, eventually, would give you an answer related to your question
or refer you to another resource.
Where we seem to be:
It seems like nowadays, halfway through a sentence, the
listener is already working on a reply or comment, causing them to miss
information that could be pertinent to their response. They have to get their point across and you
have to agree with them or you must be a complete idiot.
♫ “What are words for?
When no one listens anymore…” – Missing Persons ♫
What happened???
Yeah, what happened?
Why are we so hell bent on being right instead of being open to learning
something or seeing the same thing from a different angle? Why can’t we accept we aren’t always right
and don’t always know everything there is to know?
Several recent situations prompted this posting with the
most recent happening just today. I am a
big fan of this company and I have multiple accounts with them. Last year, for a couple weeks, I had been
getting emails from them to update the information on one of the accounts. I thought it was odd and dismissed it as
SPAM. Eventually, I called and asked if
all the information was showing on that account and the representative told me
it was fine and the emails suddenly stopped.
This was around November. A few
days ago, I began getting the emails about the same account again and I
forwarded them to the abuse email address.
The company confirmed they did indeed send it and said it was an annual
thing (I guess May is the new November) and is done on all accounts. I asked a clear question, “Why do I only
receive this notice on this account and not my other account?” Their brilliant response was, “This is an
annual review.” I’ve been with them for
five years and this did not answer my question.
A little active listening could have swayed my opinion and
may have even led me to appreciate this service and see it as something for my
protection. Instead, I see it as an
annoyance. I went into the account and
verified all the information, which hasn’t changed in a year and saved it. Pointless.
I still have no idea why my other account has been granted immunity from
this “yearly” review.
Often times, I find that when people ask for your opinion,
they don’t really want your opinion.
They are looking for validation that what they plan to do is the right
thing and that is all they want to hear.
This is easiest to see face to face.
They tell you a situation and ask for your thoughts but, when you
answer, they eyes start looking away and they get distracted if you aren’t
telling them they are right.
The one that really pushed me over the edge was this: Someone I know was going on vacation and
asked me to take care of a few things for them while they were gone. I knew if I did them, I would save several
other people from having to uproot their lives to help. It was really no big deal for me to pitch in
so I agreed. This person wanted to take
me to lunch to thank me but I wasn’t interested in that and politely
declined. Several times. Finally, I had to be a bit more assertive and
told them I felt it didn’t warrant them spending money on me for helping and
they countered with, “What if I ran and picked lunch up?” Um… WHAT?
I said there is no need to spend money on me and they offer an
alternative to the delivery method.
Again, I declined but it didn’t end there. I had to decline an additional two times.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the initial offer. I am huge on gratitude and, had the shoe been
on the other foot, I would have done the same.
However, if I really want to do something to make someone happy, I
should be listening to their feedback, perhaps offer a reasonable alternative
or wait for a chance to repay the favor in the future.
Had that been the end of it, that would have been bad
enough, but it didn’t end there. When
they returned from vacation, they gave me a gift card to the restaurant. Once again, not at all listening to what I
had requested. At this point, I
completely regretted helping them in the first place. This gift card wasn’t about doing something
for me at all. It was about doing
something to make them feel better. If
they truly cared about my wishes, they would have found out what would make me
happy and done that. Or at least
listened any of the times I had declined the offer.
Since that day nearly a month ago, they have asked me almost
every day if I have used the card. This
includes the night before I went out of town and the morning I returned, when
there would have been absolutely no time to go and they were aware of that.
Why am I babbling on about this? Simple.
This is where we are at and only one strong example of what I have seen
a great deal of, especially over the last few years.
These days it seems that listening is an all but forgotten
lost art. I think there is a lot we
could learn from others, if we just listen and pay attention. Well, don't just listen, hear them.
Thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment